Someone Help This Witcher 3 Fan Who’s Being Haunted By A Hammer

When most of us experience a glitch, we can soothe our woes by simply reloading our game, or perhaps looking up a solution online. But PaschalisG16 has already tried that, and much more. No matter what this Witcher 3: Wild Hunt player does, though, their Geralt is walking around with a floating hammer stuck between his legs.

It goes everywhere Geralt goes. Cutscene? Hammer. Tearing down a monster? Hammer. And so PaschalisG16 ended up making a Reddit thread asking what the hell was going on and more importantly, could anyone lend a helping hand? You can probably guess what happened next: an endless array of dick jokes. Oh no. Perhaps the funniest thing about it is that, buried under dozens and dozens of replies like “Tis the most mighty of all the man-mallets” and “Giggity” is the OP once more, to zero effect, pleading for people to stay on topic.

“Does anyone wanna actually help? It’s not THAT funny,” PaschalisG16 wrote, if you scrolled down far enough to see it.

Speaking to Kotaku, PaschalisG16 admits that the oddly persistent hammer is not that big of a deal but that “my OCD makes me hate it a little bit,” so they want to get rid of it even though it doesn’t affect gameplay at all. In fact, PaschalisG16 has gone ahead and done things like saving Dandelion from the soldiers in Novigrad with the hammer in tow. What makes this entire ordeal so amusing is just how pervasive the damn hammer has ended up being. They’ve started a new game. They’ve reloaded a new save. The hammer won’t go away. Worse, replies reveal that other players are suffering the same fate as well.

The issue isn’t new, based on various internet threads over the years from baffled players who, much like the top picture suggests, always end up stripping Geralt naked in an effort to delete the hammer. Reading the troubleshooting is kind of hilarious: Yes, Geralt has tried meditating the hammer away. No, your suggestion isn’t going to work.

“Unfortunately, I could not play with him when I realized that [the hammer] was with me now forever,” reads one thread from almost four years ago. “This destroyed the atmosphere of the game, constantly following me, I could not take my eyes off [the hammer] almost all the time. I could not forget this, I began to go crazy with this hammer,” they recounted, clearly traumatized by the whole thing.

While in-game meditating didn’t get rid of the pesky hammer, embodying its teachings did, in a roundabout way.

“However, the time has come, and I calmed down,” the 2019 hammer sufferer went on to say, before sharing a picture of the hammer, Geralt, and Ciri sitting around a campfire like a happy family. They’d accepted their fate and were now sharing what was the equivalent of a photo album dedicated to the hammer. “I was able to complete the game, one of the DLCS. Now this is my new bro, companion, like Roach. I realized that there was no point in paying attention to him and continuing to play as if nothing had happened. And it’s good that I was able to come to this, because the game deserves passing.”

But, uh, seriously, if anyone knows how to fix this, can you hit PaschalisG16 up?